Oh my. I have so many things to say...this will either be an incredibly long post as I relate it all, or a very short one because my fingers have fallen off.
1) Heeheehee. As I reread this blog, I realize that I tend to write as I talk, in sort of a free-form, free association kind of way. Thus the comment from my future-mom-in-law that says I indicated that she and dad-in-law and Paul and Smeag and I would all be sleeping in one bed! *giggle* My bio mom is so terrific, but not...you know...funny. She thinks that Readers Digest jokes are high art. But both my past and future moms-in-law are really funny and seem to get my weirdness.
2) I got an email from my granny (well, the exes granny, but I have none of my own so she can stay 'granny'). Yay! During my worst emotional times I tended to blather about how much my ex had hurt me and I alienated granny and Karen, so it was great to know that Granny is still talkin to me. *beam*
3) You have no idea how many emails and/or comments I have gotten about this kafka/stomach/dreams thing. Many different opinions. Don't think that this makes me believe that my honey is not completely a cracked coconut though! That's why I like him so much ;) (And vice versa, I think).
4) A while ago, Paul mentioned that his ex was Pentecostal. He mentioned this as though it was mildly, well, freaky. My response, as I recall, was 'um, so?" As he then explained (including getting the m-i-l on the phone with us) was that she was a snake handler. Well not anymore, but in her youth. I had NO idea about this. So I lookeded it up. Sure nuff. Some Pentecostal sects are snake handlers. Totally fascinating. One site I viewed said that it was kind of a combination of disillusioned Methodists and other Protestants and various African religions etc. And then today there was a thing on NatGeo channel about it. The minister, I must say, was -hysterically funny-. Not, um, on purpose. He was the biggest redneck I have ever seen...which is not a slam on him, I tend to marry rednecks. I could barely understand him ;) (the websites also mentioned that a lot of Pentecostal snake handlers are from the Appalachians [nuff said]) He actually said 'venison' instead of 'venemous' at one point. Whoo. It was funny as shite. But he was really cute with the snakelets. He was showing the interviewer that the snakes were not defanged, so he picked one up and he was like 'hi honey, I'm sorry I have to do this'. He handled her very sweetly and kept going "Oh, Hallelujah" kind of under his breath in a sort of monotone, I-say-this 5000 times-a-day kind of way. And when he had showed us the snakes fangs, he said "Praise Jesus". A couple of times I wanted to giggle, cause its so foreign to me. But hey, first of all, to each his own. And second, in many ways it seems like a good basis for a religion. Loving animals is God's way, certainly. They treat the animals well, and the snakes almost seem to...enjoy the handling. As well, apparently the sect of Pentecostals that handle snakes are extremely racially varied. And that is beyond excellent. The God I believe in would certainly approve of a religion that gets people of all colours together in a spirit of love. So...okay, it seems a wee bit strange to my Canadian/Eastern European/Mennonite eyes and ears. But I have the utmost respect for them. And I always enjoy acquiring more knowledge.
5) Paul was so busy this week and is now away for the weekend, so I barely talked to him this week. Plus my final divorce decree was delivered this week. These things seem unrelated, but it made for a bit of a tough week. I just...never expected to be a divorced woman. The whole Tim-disappearing-one-day-and-moving-to-TX-with-another-woman-and-having-a-baby-with
her-right-away thing was just so utterly shocking. Its very hard to move past this. Well, let me clarify. I have no desire to be with Tim anymore. I don't miss him. He's a completely different person than I thought he was. I don't hate him, or dislike him, I just don't care anymore. However, the manner of his leaving was so...incredibly disconcerting. Its just made it a bit hard to trust. Unfortunatey, that is the legacy that my first marriage has left me with. Fear of abandonment. Paul is so so so good to me though. He knows of my fears and calms them at every turn. I love him so very much. And for only the second time in my life, I believe with all my heart that he loves me as much as I love him. He wants to make a family with me. Oh damn, I'm gonna cry again...which leads me to ...
6) My parents are celebrating their 45th (!!!) anniversary today. I'm so proud of them. They have been such an amazing model of what a Christian marriage should be. *wipes tears* My mom says that she wouldn't change a moment of the 45 years and that she loves my dad 10 times more every day than the last. And she says that she believes that Paul and I will have that. And I think that we really do. My Paul is...my angel. He not only makes me so happy, but makes me like myself so much more. He thinks I'm beautiful. He loves me the way I am, not despite the way I look. He likes talking to me and laughing with me. He makes me laugh 30 times a day and when I giggle, he giggles too and tells me how much he loves to hear me laugh. When I'm sad he holds me if I'm there and if I'm not, he says 'nono, no sad! And is goofy and gentle and soft until I'm better. How could I have gotten so lucky. For 20 years I was depressed. And now, I have it all. I have a new home in a beautiful climate and environment. I have a man who adores me and who I adore back. I have a pug who is so cute and perfect that I have no problem picking up her poop off the floor ;) I have great friends who love me so much that they offer to beat up the bad guys who hurt me. I have a pseudo nephew who is so perfect he makes my heart hurt. I have a real nephew and 3 nieces who call me 'auntie Jenn' and who say the greatest things. Especially one niece who is a little version of me and who is so infinitely huggable that I could snuggle her little brown body all day. I have a new family who I like so much! I've spent so much time fretting lately about immigration and customs and the divorce etc that I forgot to praise God for all I have. I am truly truly blessed.
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