Questions Du Jour

#1) How can I have lost a pound in the 19 weeks that I've been pregnant and yet have an increasingly giant belly? Does the weight migrate from, say, my thighs, to my belly? If so that would be FANFREAKINGTASTIC!

#2) What kind of socks can you buy when even little ankle socks cut off all circulation to your feet?

#3) Can I go for another 21 weeks without any sleep?

#4) Why do people hang their pictures anywhere but eye level? (My mom hangs her pictures like 2 feet from the ceiling and someone hung a picture across from my desk at work over the couch and the picture is one inch from the top of the couch. How much time per day can I spend in plotting to move that picture? A LOT)

#5) How do you get rid of a musty smell in your house caused by two separate floods in your house after less than two months living there?

#6) How do you get rid of a mouse in your house when the mouse seems to be subsisting on the food in your dog's dish?

#7) How is it that Hugh Laurie is so not-young, so kinda-wrinkly, so not-really-handsome and yet SOSOSO sexy?

Signing off,
Exhausted yet Frantic

Title - Stealing From Others

All right, let's do a 'what's Jenn watching/reading/listening to' post! ( You see, when you have no life, these are the things you resort to )

Blogs

I'm adding two new blogs to my 'Blogs I've Gotta Have' link. The first is the blog of author Joshilyn Jackson, she writes terrific books and her blog is hilarious and frenetic in its pace.

The second is the blog of my web friend 'Chickenbells'. Her blog is funny and heavy on the pictures, which is always a welcome break from lengthy, picture-free posts like mine.

Songs

I recently heard this song again on Classic Pop-Up Video and just burst into tears. I FREQUENTLY can be heard to say that they don't make music anymore like they did in the 80's and this is a perfect example. I love those male 80's singers with the high, clear voices - you know like the Boston guy and the Foreigner guy. The lead singer here definitely has that type of voice, and, in watching the video I now realize that these guys are clearly Scottish (although I just tried to find proof of that and I can't without spending more time on it than its worth, I'm pretty damn positive about the accent though) and since I love all things Scottish, I now love this song even more.


Lest thou thinkest that I only listen to music from 20 years ago, how bout this one? You all know about Matisyahu by now, right? He's this Hasidic Jewish raggae singer, how's that for a bit odd? I hear he has recently moved to a different sect of Judaism, but he still wears the traditional garb and facial hair etc. He looks like, well, let's just say that when he begins to sing you won't believe it. He crosses a million boundaries; for example, he sings about God, but some of my VERY non-God-believing-in friends still love him. This video is slightly boring but you get to see what he looks like and hear him perform my favorite song live. I'm describing this poorly so just watch this video. Give it a chance, you will love it. (Bernice, I'm betting you will flip for this, although I could be totally wrong)


TV Shows

I'm filled with hatred for the cursed writers who are striking and not letting me watch new episodes of my stories. WAH! But, there were just three new episodes of House which you should SERIOUSLY be watching. So funny, so interesting and almost always thought provoking at the end. Also, The New Adventures of Old Christine is back on and you should definitely be watching that, its the second funniest show on TV! And finally, you should check out the new show Eli Stone. (Spoilers about the plot that are revealed in the first episode follow) Eli is a hardhearted lawyer who represents billion dollar companies that regularly screw the little guy. He is filled with resentment for his dead father who he believes was a crazy alcoholic. One day he starts hearing George Michael's 'Faith' and eventually he sees George performing in his living room. He goes to see his neurologist brother who tells him he has an inoperable brain aneurysm that could kill him at any time. Oh yes, and the aneurysm could cause him to see and hear things that aren't there, which, as it turns out, is what his dad dealt with too. The visions now aim him towards doing 'the right thing' and he comes to believe (or at least his wise friend has come to believe) that he may be a prophet for our generation. I've watched two episodes and they were both FANTASTIC! Courtroom drama, good music, funny dialogue and meaningful bits that make me cry (although, as we know, this is like shooting fish in a barrel).

Addendum

Moon Pies, by the way, are what we Canadian kids knew as Wagon Wheels. This particular Canadian kid despaired that she would never again have a Wagon Wheel until she discovered Moon Pies.

Now I just need to find a substitute for Square Boys, remember Square Boys? I believe they were just like Wagon Wheels/ Moon Pies except they were, well, square and had chopped up peanuts in the top chocolatey crust.

Moon Pies Moon Pies Moon Pies. I'm very sleepy.

Temporary New Favorite Television Quote Ever:

From Futurama:

"Good news everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love"

Stream of Consciousness

So many things to post about, brain is swimming with ideas. Tell people about:

- 2008 New Year's Resolutions

- How Andrea doesn't plan and things fall into place and I plan obsessively and NOTHING works out for me and then I get negative and people say 'you shouldn't be so negative' and then I say 'HELLO, are you familiar with the concept of clinical depression?!' and then they say 'you expect things to go badly and then they do' and then I say 'no, no, things have always gone badly so I KNOW they will continue to and then they do'.

- How there are 54 days til we have health insurance again and I will be REALLY IMPRESSED with God if He keeps me out of the ER for that long. Hear that, God? Really impressed!

- How pissy it makes me that the 'Which Sex and the City Character are you' quiz on Facebook said that I was Miranda when I'm so CLEARLY Charlotte but then when I thought about it more I realized I was Miranda, the most obnoxious character on the show (next to Big and don't even get me started about how Carrie ended up with Big and the whole show ended when all the strong, independent women found love, true love. GAH!)

- How my friends and I used to always try to decide which TV character we were most like and I always thought is was so definitely Monica from Friends (if she never lost the weight) but then I realized the other day that I am so totally and obviously a female version of Alan Harper on Two and a Half Men.

Slightly manic today, can you tell?

Easily Amused

Dude, little things make me so happy. I just stumbled onto the fact that, duh, you can request 'scent-free' copies of magazines. No more sneezing and ripping before I can enjoy my stories!

Oh, the places I've been

Updates -

The apartment is quite nice, we are actually really comfortable here. It's quiet and cool and there is tons of room and a big stand of trees to stare while I sit on the deck in the evenings. We also had the following new apartment related conversation the other day:

Me - I thought I would be really scared in this place, what with being so tucked away and on the ground floor, but I've hardly been scared at all.

Paul - Because there are no ghosts here.

Me - *sigh* I didn't want to ask...you haven't seen anything?

Paul - Nope! Ghost free!

So, yeah, I'm pretty much firmly in the 'there are no such thing as ghosts' camp...well, I was. Back in Winnipeg I lived in an apartment that had been converted to a hospital. I never saw anything but when I became the building manager I fairly regularly had tenants move out because they claimed their apartment (or very frequently the elevator) was haunted. Then in the last few months that I lived there, some things happened that I cannot explain, like, at all. Still, I felt that it was generally just kind of silly. A few months ago, when I was having a mini breakdown, I confessed to Paul that I saw all sorts of awfulness in our apartment and he nodded and said that he had hoped that I wasn't seeing any of it so he had never mentioned it. He talked to a friend later on that day and told him what I had said and the friend told him 'that's why I refuse to stay at your apartment overnight anymore'. After that we never spoke of it again...it seemed wisest. Once in a while we would both see something at the same time and sort of glance at each other to confirm and then look away and not discuss it.

Point being...I never believed and never wanted to believe...but I dunno. ACTUAL point being...there's nothing in the new place!


**********


Paul seems to be getting slowly better. His energy level is back to about 80% he says and his palpitations and chest pain are decreasing. I'm not at all better. Surprise! We went to the doctor again on Thursday and he was very concerned with my description of my symptoms. He sent me straight to the hospital for a bunch of X-rays of my chest and head. I'd never had head X-rays before - they contort you into very weird positions. Then today I had a guy come to the apartment at 8 in the morning and put a heart monitor on me. It's a bit uncomfortable but not too bad, although I bet after 24 hours it will be really unpleasant. It has a digital diary so I press various buttons when I feel various symptoms. Of course, as Paul pointed out, today will probably be the one day out of the last 100 or so that I have no problems.

The new doctor really doesn't know what is wrong, but I liked him anyway because he is the first doctor who seemed genuinely concerned and didn't make my history of depression the cause of all my problems. The only risk factor that I have for heart disease, really, is my weight (I don't smoke, drink or have a family history of heart disease), so the doctor said he would normally not be too concerned but that the way I described my chest pressure and skipped beats he was nervous about the whole thing. So, anyway, I get the results of the X-rays probably on Monday and the heart monitor results a few days after that. In the meanttime, the medical bills for the two of us are piling higher and higher. If we don't get better soon, this illness will ruin us, financially, for life. That is no exaggeration.


**********

The dogs are adjusting well to their new home, although they have had several accidents already. I have told you before what good babies they are but that they do gross me out sometimes with some of the things they do...skip down to the next row of asterisks if you don't want to read something truly, truly awful.

I am, after hearing a dreadful story from a friend, hypervigilant about checking the dogs' poops for worms when I bag them up. The other day, to my horror, I thought Waffles had pooped out a long, coiled up worm. I called Paul over to check and he stared at it for a while and then closed his eyes and shook his head. I kept asking him what was wrong but he appeared to be unable to speak. Finally, he whispered, 'it's...a condom'. Indeed. We checked the spot where, ahem, last night's condom had been disposed of and it was gone. While we were out grocery shopping he had found it and eaten it. A used condom. Neither Paul nor I were able to talk for about 15 minutes after that. We just kept looking at Waffles, snarfing up his dinner, and shaking our heads.


**********

It's safe to start reading here again!

Paul has been working long hours, lots of double shifts but the bar is S-L-O-W these days. I've also been very busy...although nobody ever understands how I can have so much to do. Just, frankly, dealing with all the shit that has been piled on us is a full-time job. Nearly every day, it seems, the apartment complex tacks a new note to our door telling us that we owe them money or what have you. Then I have to start sifting through paperwork and photocopying stuff and downloading copies of cashed checks to prove that they are wrong. (Once in a while that actually works...they recently sent us a bill for $170 which we proved was wrong and they only charged us $62 instead. Plus we found out that they owed US $80. Take that, assholes!) Also, we get more bills (both new medical and old, as yet undiscovered, bills from Paul's reckless days) almost every day which is unbelievably exhausting and time consuming because I have to deal with each one, which means mass paperwork and usually many phone calls.

I so badly wanted our lives to be in better order before I could start working again so I wouldn't have to spend hours a day trying to sort out problems, but it looks like that may not happen as I should be able to work really soon. I sure am looking forward to getting out of the house and earning some money. Waffles and Smeagol are NOT looking forward to it.


**********


A few other things are in the works here too, that I won't go into at the moment - one or two of them are good even! Baffling! But, there are some updates for now. In short, we like the new place, Paul appears to be getting better and I'm trying (although generally failing) to be a little more upbeat.

Tick Tick

Lord have mercy, I'm so excited to be out of this shithole but I'm too tired to do all this packing!! I just spent an hour pulling all the things off the walls and I'm exhausted. Paul is, of course, completely unconcerned about the whole thing. He used to work for an eviction company and his job was to go into an apartment with his crew and a cop and get every single thing in the apartment out, fast. They basically used bedding to get everything. Put all the clothes in a sheet, put all the DVD's in a pillowcase etc. He calls this 'Santa Clausing it'. So he has little fear about the whole procedure because if need be he'll Santa Claus it all. So, I guess I'll basically box up the fragile stuff or the stuff that I really care about and that will be it. That's all the time and energy I have.

For a better idea of Santa Clausing it, here's a picture example. One time we had bought a whole bunch of groceries and he didn't want to take like 5 trips up the stairs so he grabbed a sheet that he had in the car for his LARPing weekends and Santa Claused the groceries up to our apartment:

**********

In other news, so I've lost between 15 and 18 pounds (depending on whether you go by my scale or the doctors). Let me make clear that this is not through willpower but through sickness. I would clearly, happily take back the weight to be well, but since I've lost it I'm not going to complain! I had noticed the weight loss according to the scale but really didn't think that it made much of a difference until the other day when I was putting on my everyday bra and realized that it was just not doing much anymore in terms of holding the ladies UP. I figured maybe I could close it on the second loosest hook instead of the loosest as I had done since I bought it. Sure enough, second loosest worked! Kind of exciting! I washed the bra in hot water that night and then tried it on second loosest again. Still worked! What the heck, I figured, let's try the second tightest set of hooks...and indeed that worked too. Obviously, part of that is the bra having stretched out, but going from loosest to second tightest is clearly more than just stretching. Oh, and my 'uniform' pants that I wear every day? I can pull those on and off without unzipping OR unbuttoning them. Neat!

If its still like this at Christmas, I'm shaving my head.

I woke up this morning sweating, which does NOT make me happy, and I'm already such a mega bitch these days that that is unfortunate. So, I discover that the A/C is busted and its 85/28 outside. That's freakin' insane. It's OCTOBER 8th! Canadian Thanksgiving! Chris' birthday (Happy birthday, my friend :)! Dave Barry's son's birthday! And 85 degrees outside. NUTS!

They fixed the A/C after only 2 phone calls though...although it got above 90 in the apartment in the meantime. The drought here due to heat and no rain continues. The two lakes that provide metro Atlanta with most of our drinking water are down between 12 and 15 feet and there is a complete outdoor watering ban - toughest water rationing in Atlanta's history, they tell us.

Global warming, anyone?

A Letter to my Teenaged Self

I'm not a Mom, but I'm still using this suggestion by Mom's Daily Dose .

Dear Teenaged Jennifer,

First of all, please stop telling people to spell the shortened version of your name as “Jenn”. “Jen” is fine, okay. Just because spelling it with 2 N’s is –slightly- more unusual is not a good enough reason to go through the business of getting everyone to change to that. And, by the time you’re around 30, you’re going to wish that you stuck with 1 N Jen anyway.

Understand quickly that men are going to hurt you. It’s not because ‘men are scum’, it’s because we don’t marry the first person we fall in love with. Very few people are that lucky (?). Men will break up with you and break your heart and you will learn something and forget about all the garbage and move on. Probably more quickly than you expect.

Understand that women are going to hurt you too. We can be cruel to our friends. It’s not because ‘women are bitches', its because we don’t hold on to the same friends our whole life…we change, they change and that’s okay.

Understand that your friends are unbelievably valuable. That group of girls that you will hang out with from the bookstore where you’ll work for years; Andria, Linda, Jo etc, they are fantastic women who will do amazing things. Love them fiercely while you have them. After that you will meet another girl from the bookstore and she will become your roommate and your best friend and lead you to her friends who will become the rest of the group that shape you and your life more than anyone else ever again. Enjoy every minute with them, stop having crushes, just love them and be yourself and be grateful.

Understand that you may never have children but life won’t be a waste if you don’t. Keep your body healthy, don’t gain so much weight (seriously, the weight you are at now is not fat, honest to God, just stay where you are), take vitamins, learn to love vegetables and know that maybe one day God will bless you with kids…but he may not and your life can be full with your husband and dogs (yes, you will have a husband…but the first one won’t work out).

Understand that your family loves you but that each individual member of the family is not required to be your friend. You will become a very, very different person than you are now and your family won’t always understand that, but they STILL LOVE YOU.

STOP WORRYING. STOP BEING SO PESSIMISTIC. You will have a lot of bad things happen to you but if you stay optimistic and see each problem as an opportunity for growth you will be a lot happier. And, you will have a lot of great stuff happen to you to. Enjoy the good, don’t focus on the bad.

Your nose is not so enormous that people stare at you on the street. You will never have those shiny, tan, shapely legs that famous people have. Accept both of these things now.

Don’t go to NYC the first time you are invited.

High School really does suck, okay. Life will get better than this…just get through it.

Write. A lot.

Don’t stop singing.

Learn to love your sensitivity and empathy, don’t ever try to hide them.

Do devotions and read your Bible every day.

Oh, and stop perming your hair, K?



Love,
35 year old Jen

Here's what its like

If you've never been a broke person with debts here is, in my opinion, a perfect snapshot of what it is like...the stress and worry and paranoia.

When I got up this morning, I checked the call display first thing (which I always do, because someone could have called to offer Paul a great job or a million dollars or something) and there was one missed call - Unknown Name/Unknown Number. Ominous. I checked the Vonage website and discovered that it was an 866 number. Panic. The only reason an 866 number could be calling us is...well, bad. Very bad. I nearly freaked out until Paul had the brilliant, if obvious, idea that I should try calling the number back. I did and it was okay, just something routine. Thank the Lord.

I just thought that this was such a perfect example of what living poor is like. I bet a whole lot of you can relate, and if you can't here's a chance to count your blessings!

Turn on your speakers

My friends tend to mocketh me due to the fact that I often hate HATE female singers. They say its jealousy...I say its 10 years of vocal lessons and 15 years of performing as a singer that tell me that most female singers are just pretty faces with little or no actual talent and certainly no unique qualities about them. Potayto Potahto.

Anyway, these days I can't do much but lie on the couch and wonder if I'm about to die so I watch a lot of TV. And TV has introduced me to these two lovely ladies and their lovely songs.

This first one is Feist, she's Canadian as I KNEW she would be as soon as I heard this song. Scroll down a little and watch the '1234' video. I'm too tired to do the whole hidden link think, so here: http://www.listentofeist.com/

This next one is Regina Spektor, who I had heard of, but didn't know she was so awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcNENSKbYMo

Listen! Love!

For Andrea:
I know, Laz. You're right. And thanks for continuing to say it. The next time we can scrape together enough cash for a doctor visit we are going to take Paul because he has to have a diabetes test. Then, the next time we can scrape together the cash for another appointment I won't take no for an answer from my doctor and will tell her, not ask her, to test for lupus. I may have to see if I can find another doctor, though, since I'm pretty sure this doctor thinks I'm just a hypochondriac. Do I have to ask for anything specific, or just say 'I think I have lupus, check'?

At least they're fixing stuff...sort of

Oh, oh, I learned another thing today! Chauvinists are alive and well. The head of maintenance came up here to look at our apartment problems and although I was RIGHT THERE talking to him and explaining the problem, he half ignored me and then asked 'is the MAN OF THE HOUSE around?' SERIOUSLY! Then he introduced himself to Paul and shook his hand and didn't look at me as I talked. And this guy is like, my age, not an old man in whom you might still excuse this sort of behaviour. No big deal, but can you believe it?

Seeing the sinus related problems mentioned in the comments (thanks folks!) kicked my brain into second gear and I started shoving my stuffed up noggin over a pot of boiling water a couple of times a day. It feels SO GOOD, like Vicodin good (only for only about 5 minutes). I find myself moaning with happiness for the few minutes that I can tolerate the steam because I don't hurt for those few minutes and a few minutes afterwards.

I feel maybe 5% better today which makes me a bit hopeful again and also makes me feel guilty that I'm not answering emails (or doing any of the other 4000 things that I should have been doing over the past weeks). Its just faster to update here than to email everybody, but I will, I promise!

Hey though, on a positive note, the Discovery channel seems to be doing this all-Dirty Jobs-or- Survivorman-all-the-time thing so there's always something to watch!

Destination: Addiction

I have a problem and today I found a name for it. Its called "Destination Addiction'. In other words "I'm not happy now because XYZ hasn't happened yet but as soon as XYZ happens, then, THEN, everything will be right with the world". I've been like that forever but the circumstances of the past 3 years; waiting to visit Paul, waiting to get my Visa, waiting to marry Paul, waiting to get my Green Card, has pushed my addiction right over the freakin' edge. That, in combination with raging hypochondria that has also been pushed to the top of the heap now that I'm in a country without free health care and am currently uninsured. And in combination with not feeling well and running a fever for several weeks now (hypochondria? Maybe, but what if its not? You see the problem?) has pushed me into a bit of a funk. I have the Green Card now so now I should be happy! Its what I've been waiting for! But my mind doesn't work that way. I -want- to be happy, but I'm so anxious about all the above stuff all the time that I can't catch the happiness. I can even get sad about things that I've never experienced. For example, when watching movies about the 60's or hearing music from that decade, I frequently feel nostalgic for that era. This, despite the fact that I wasn't born until '72 and also, the 60's were not, you know, ideal in terms of there being a war and stuff. Hello?

Anyway, I needed to kind of write this out so thanks for reading it. I want to be happy. I have a fabulous husband and two terrific dogs and a green card that will enable me to work within the next 2 months or so. But even now as I wrote that, I was going to add 'as soon as I go to the doctor and she determines why I have a fever and feel so dizzy and yucky, then I'll be ready to be happy'. There's always something. Always. So, until heaven, I'm gonna have to figure out a way to be happy where I'm at. Bad grammar and all.

**********

By the way, lately Paul and I have been heading out to the pool late at night. I guess that its
-technically- closed at 10, but the gate is still open and its so lovely and dark and quiet that we've really been growing fond of our pool dates. Yesterday I relearned how to float and was able to tread water for about 10 seconds at a time. This is HUGE for me. I'm determined to learn, if not how to swim, at very least how to be comfortable enough in the water that my future children don't catch my water phobia. Treading water is HARD, by the way! Shut up!

So Sick. It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep because I keep waking myself up with my moaning. Throat so sore that I nearly cry each time I have to swallow. Fever 101 degrees. I desperately want to crawl into the bathtub and take a hot bath so I can stop shivering and warm up but with a fever this high that seems somewhat counterintuitive. *whimper* Make it go away please?

And I'm not even Catholic!

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with extreme paranoia about my last post. My intention was to refer to myself as self-centered since I added a widget that enables people to see what I'm reading...but I woke up with this extreme fear that the way I wrote it made it look like I was calling other bloggers self-centered. So, my point is A) Sorry if I was offensive to you and B) It is HARD living with this kind of guilt and paranoia ALL THE TIME!

My sister has started referring to bargain hunting as 'pulling a Jenn'

I don't know if any of you will care about this, but its such an awesome offer that I had to share it with you. I LOVE magazines and I get four every month (total yearly cost...$21) but I refuse to pay anywhere near cover price. Right now at Amazon you can get a bunch of different magazine subscriptions for a really decent price and if you order before the end of July they'll take another $5 off. So, for example, a year of the Oprah magazine (which is good, but apparently made of gold its so damn expensive) for $13. You won't find a better deal anywhere else! And hey, if you order more than one you can probably get the order above $20 and then you can use that $5 promo code you just got from Amazon for pre-ordering Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Ta-da!


**Sorry, my lovely Canucks, I believe this is for American addresses only.