The Condom Story

So...how shall I begin? Have I mentioned that I am on a quest to ty to eliminate all drugs/hormones from my body? I've quit all my antidepressants and other pills (except the prilosec, haven't had luck with that yet) including birth control pills. Paul and I agreed to switch to a...non-hormonal method.

Part two - A week or so ago, Paul and Josh and I were sitting around and Paul mentioned that he would love to be 16 again. I started to agree, sort of by rote, and then stopped myself and said 'ew, I hated 16 and I certainly don't want to go through it again. All the humiliation and embarrassment all the time'. The next day this happened, proving my point.

So, Paul is leaving for work and mentions that I should go to the store and buy some, well, condoms, while he is out. I agree and head out in Josh's car for the convenience store down the road. I look around all over for them but don't find them. I assume that because it is a convenience store, you prolly have to ask for them from behind the counter. The store is very full of young folks and so I decide to just go to the grocery store instead.

So, I drive on down to Publix and head for the pharmacy area. I look and look and still can't find them. Finally, I ask the pharmacist. Not really embarrassing, I'm a big girl. He smiles and says that they got stolen too often so Georgia stores now put them behind the counter. Not at the pharmacy, but at customer service. This is a little worse, but we gotta have em so I head over to customer service. The girl working there is about 16 and very nice. I ask for condoms and she shows me the 20 or so options behind her. I can't see for shit, so I have no idea what kind there are.

I bite the bullet and ask for Trojans (I've heard of those so they must have them, is my thinking). "Which kind", she asks. Shit, well, I pause and she hands me a box. I was willing to accept almost anything at that point cause I was growing rather embarrassed, but the box she put on the counter was mint-flavored. I giggled and said 'um, just not mint though'. So, she puts the other half dozen Trojan types on the counter.

At this point I keep hearing a customer behind me making those shuffling, annoyed sounds that you make when you don't get any counter space and you want to go already. So, he sort of pushes beside me and drops his stuff on the counter, rolling his eyes at me. I thought to myself that whatever he had was probably heavy and he just couldn't hold it anymore. I look down and see that he has deposited 2 loaves of bread.

Okay, so I'm desperately trying to select a condom type when the man behind the other man says, loudly "OH, you're buying condoms, then I can tell you this joke!" And he launches into this lengthy joke that I was too embarrassed to pay attention to, but I recall that it had to do with some sailors from Russia losing a giant box of their cargo that was labelled 'Trojan XL' and when some American sailors found it, they tried out the items and then crossed out the label and changed it to 'Trojan M'. Hahaha. So, I finally select a type as this guy tells his joke. I laugh feebly when its over as I'm paying. And he says, loudly 'I wouldn't have told that joke to any woman, but you -were- buying condoms!'

At that point I scurried out, to the sounds of the customer service girl's muted laughter.

I was -embarrassed-, but also kept thinking about how I could tell Paul and Josh when I got home. But imagine if that had happened to you when you were 16?! Death by embarrassment!

So, that's my story.