Pause

I've had really rather a most astonishing couple of days. As tends to happen to me, everything about everything gathered up in a big ball of tense over the past couple of weeks until it exploded all over my mother, via the phone line, on Tuesday evening. She and Paul and Josh have been telling me lately that I will probably kill myself and lose all of my loved ones if I can't calm down and stop fretting about things that are absolutely and utterly beyond my control. My mom instructed me to pray about all of my worries and tell God that I was kind of done and that he could take all of it now, okay? Thanks then! And then read Phillipians 4. So I did that. I know, I know, most of you are rolling the eyes, but I find great peace in that kind of thing if I allow myself to.

Of course, the big worries did not go away...immigration etc will take some time. But my severe back pain began to let up yesterday ( I threw my back out about 2 weeks ago and couldn't seem to get it back on track), I gave up on several 'complaints/issues' that I was trying to pursue, sensing that the tension that they gave me were worse than the cost and only kept on with my complaint about the hospital and the bill they never sent me. And in that case I got my issue published on a consumer watchdog website. Paul, sensing that I was about to have a freak out on him too, has been really extra nice to me (including going to a bookstore all on his own and picking out a book for me about the history of Freemasonry, yay!). And my old friend Steve left a comment here on the blog prompting me into a brief coma in which I remembered about three years of my life in great detail in about 45 seconds.

We went to bed early tonight as Paul leaves in a few hours for the LARP, and I'm so godawful dreading the 60 hours of nothing to do, no one to talk to, no where to go (my most frequent mantra lately is ' I need a girlfriend'), yet I just walked into the bedroom for something and saw him and Smeagol lying in similar positions next to each other and my heart was so filled. My little family is so small, and I so want kids someday (TICK TICK), but at that moment, what I had filled me with the sense that I am truly lucky.





Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7