Thanks B

My sister sent me an email of the '100 Funniest Jokes From The Just For Laughs Festival In Montreal'. It was kind of long, but had some gems. So, I picked out my nine favorite and here they are!

All couples fight. I bet if Mother Teresa had married Gandhi they'd have fought over who ate less. -Richard Belzer, 1993

I do not want to live to be 100. I cannot stand to see bell-bottoms three times in my life.- Glen Foster, 1998

(On going to war over religion:) You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. -Rich Jeni, 1999

I was born in Nicaragua and I felt there wasn't enough political instability in my life. So I moved to Quebec. - Marta Chaves, 1999

Salad is not food, it comes before the meal as a promissory note that food will soon arrive. - John Pinette, 2000

Ever been to a strip club in Saint John, N.B.? If you're fat and ugly and bruise easily, then maybe stripping isn't the job for you. - Ed Byrne, 2002

I like it when people say it's how a man uses his penis that matters. What, is he building gazebos and fighting terrorism with it?- Dave Attell, 2002

Basically the Catholic religion is: If it feels good, stop. - Adam Ferrara, 2004 (in the interest of fairness, I think that 'catholic' should be changed to 'mennonite')

And my favorite favorite:
Things I never say in my apartment: I'm sick of vodka; Let's go see Riverdance; What's on PBS?; Who dog-eared my Bible?; Boy, that potpourri smells nice. -Zach Galafianakis, 1998