Optipessimist

I had an epiphany the other day! For me it was actually a pretty profound new idea about the sadness that has been my near constant companion for decades. I always think of myself as an extreme pessimist and I assumed that that was part of my depression, but, I've now determined that a significant portion (50% or more I'd venture to say) is because of my optimism.

You heard me right, me - an optimist. In one way at least. Here's the thing, growing up I had some complaints about my parents, as we all do, but there were many, many things they did 'right' and a big one was that they followed through on their commitments and promises. If my dad says that he will do something, he will damn well do it and he will do it every time and if for some strange reason he forgets he will go out and do it the moment he remembers. My mom stressed to me every day that you shouldn't lie, that it is a sin and that if you tell someone you are going to do something for them, to them, with them, YOU WILL DO IT or you have told a LIE. I grew up believing that to be true. Its a wonderful lesson to teach your kids but sadly for me it mostly made me angry because folks - in the real world people don't follow through on their promises.

Its the little things that make me the most angry, really, especially if they are unasked for in the first place. For example, if sometime before your birthday someone says to you 'I'm going to take you out for a great lunch on your birthday', then they should do that. And if they can't, they should bring it up and apologize. If someone says 'I'm going to email you that information tomorrow', then they should email that information tomorrow, and if they can't for some reason, they should take it upon themselves to contact you and let you know why and if and when you should expect the information. To me this is the most basic of common courtesies, really as basic as saying 'excuse me' when you sneeze in public but these days people seem to feel so entitled to have what they want, when they want it, how they want it, that even these most common courtesies have fallen by the wayside. I did not ASK for a birthday lunch, but you volunteered so you have to DO IT OR EXPLAIN WHY YOU CAN'T! I did not ask for that information you told me you have, but when you told me you were going to email it tomorrow that was a promise and you have to DO IT OR EXPLAIN WHY YOU CAN'T!

The unasked for part is a huge part of this issue for me. If I asked you to do something for me you may have felt pressured to say yes even though you knew you probably couldn't. But if you bring up the subject and then don't do what you claimed you would how is that helpful? Did you just need to make yourself feel important? Did you, and this is a biggie to me too, ever have any intention of following through with your promise?

I don't know if I've been surrounded by people like this more than others or if -most- people are like this but its frustrating as hell. And what makes me depressed is that I believe them every time. Every time someone tells me something they are going to do or say I think to myself 'well, why would they bring it up if they weren't going to do it? THIS TIME they mean it!' And then I repeat that to Paul and he shakes his head sadly and says 'you're so sweet, Jenn, and I hope they do'. This leaves me in an almost constant state of 'being let down'. Every time I believe and every time I am disappointed my heart gets a little smaller and sadder.

I would love to hear your comments on this, folks. Like how you deal with this when its done to you or if you are one of these people who does this to others. How do you maintain realism in your expectations without becoming hard and bitter? But, honest to God, if anyone says 'you just have to let it roll off your back' I'll REACH THROUGH THE COMPUTER AND STRANGLE YOU!