Commenting on Comments

Thanks for all the comments and emails lately, I appreciate it. Its great to know that I have a support system in place for when I'm down and a cheering section for when I'm up.

Rather than leaving epic comment responses allow me to just respond here. I really appreciated your comments in regards to the 'happiness' post and also had some emails from new readers in regards to it. I was genuinely interested in what people had to say as I think the whole subject of what makes us happy is one that needs to be studied more in this age of rampant depression and anxiety. I do not want to just 'take the pills' to make me better. I may or may not use them to aid me through my depression but I took many different pills for many years and never found ones that helped much. This blog, ranting and raving and receiving comments and emails from you all helps more than taking all the pills in the world.

One commenter said:
"I also wonder, is the single Dane who didn't go to college really that happy about all his tax money going to pay for slackers to stretch out their college time, or all these people taking child leave? Or do they just not complain in English?"

Well, yeah, for sure the single Dane is not happy about that. But I know many people here in America and Canada who have put money into unemployment insurance every day of their adult lives and never taken one cent of it. Or people that struggle to make ends meet without any government help while the person down the street takes every bit of government aid they are allowed, even when they don't need it and uses the money to buy $200 sweaters. That happens EVERYWHERE. I doubt if there is an exception. Every country that offers government aid of any kind is going to have people who abuse it and people who resent the abusers for it. I resent the HELL out of people here who don't need welfare but take it because they can...but that doesn't mean I'm not unbelievably grateful that should I ever need government help it will probably be there for me.

Also, I agree that using other people's happiness level as a yardstick for my own is, in some ways foolish. I do however think that I often just assume that other people, because they cover up their stress and sadness better, are blissfully happy and it makes me feel more 'normal' to know that they are struggling too.

I loved this comment:

"i think contentment in life works apart from circumstance because i think its how you view yourself in the universe- you can be miserable and rich. it's how much you're willing to let go of your anxiety and fear over things you can't control- though it sounds wonderful to be a dane."

Very true and something to think about.

Now, for the post before that where I ranted about our money situation. I am so deeply appreciative of your comments offering advice. Most of you suggested government help but sadly we do not qualify for any. As an immigrant my options in that department are very limited and, more to the point, Paul makes too much money to qualify for any! Paul earns a decent living, the problem is that we have so many huge debts, including MASSIVE student loans that we have to try and pay off. We are considered too well off to get assistance. It doesn't matter that we pay the equivalent of 25% of Paul's pay every month in healthcare costs or that another 25% goes to debt repayment leaving us with not enough to live on...the need for government assistance is calculated without taking those things into account and we do not qualify.

One comment said this:

"Does money buy happiness? Not exactly, but it buys temporary joy and a steady sense of security that people who have money just CANNOT understand...I still had my moments of loneliness and sadness... but being able to go out and buy some books, have a nice meal, see a movie, or buy a nice top (AFTER paying off all bills), was the most incredibly settling feeling. "

Precisely. Money doesn't really buy happiness, I know that. But it buys an unbelievable amount of security.

As for our prescriptions, good points all but again it doesn't really work for us. Similar to what I said about making too much money for government assistance, we have quite good health insurance from Paul's work. $30 co-pays for most doctor visits and decent prescription coverage. Paul's diabetic test strips would be $150ish without the insurance and are $5 with it! Wow, eh! However his two new pills he has to take each fall in the $25 per month category or co-pay and mine are both $50 per month (the highest co-pay you can get on our plan). So, ultimately we are paying VAST amounts less than an uninsured person would. But it still adds up to $160 per month for prescriptions alone. I did find a work-around of a sort for my two new eye medications. One of them, as it turns out I was only supposed to take for one month and I got samples ( I ALWAYS ask for as many samples as they'll give, I'm not proud ) enough for a week and a half...the samples are done now and I just won't fill that prescription. We don't have the money and it was only for 2 and a half more weeks anyway. The other prescription of mine is Restasis which comes in a box of 30 individual vials, one for each day of the month. They tell you on the box to ONLY USE THE VIAL FOR ONE DAY, PEOPLE! But I talked to my opthalmologist and he said that if I could stretch it out I should by all means do so. So, as far as I can tell each vial will actually last me two, sometimes two and a half days. That helps a lot. Its still WAY more than we can swing, but its getting closer.

Whew, this is getting really, really long.

One last topic. I want to point out that I'm trying really hard to find a job and that Paulie is working unbelievably hard at his. We are in much better shape, financially, than we were a year ago. I get frustrated because I want things to be paid off, but we are doing so much better than before...I just tend to focus on the fact that we are not doing as well as I want to be. I know, bad attitude. When I met Paul he had been through a very rough patch in life. Very. And he had let things slide. I believe when I figured it all out, he, we, had 33 outstanding debts. We have worked very hard and can now say that we have 13 outstanding debts. Two we will be done paying next month ($25 each) Five we are actively (although very slowly) paying off. One is a student loan in forbearance and that leaves six that we need to deal with; that we haven't worked on at all. Out of those, 2 are in the $250 neighborhood and 1 is under $500, the other three are large. So, we still owe more than I can ever fathom paying off but we have done unbelievable things in the last three years and paid off more than I could have ever believed possible. I just wanted to make sure that I put that out into the universe, that yes we are in rough shape, but we have done such incredible things and are in a better place than we were.