We watched a comedian last night, I believe his name was Greg Fitzsimmons, who described a common scenario in our relationship. In his case, he was lying in bed with his girlfriend, spooning her, when suddenly a 'whisper of warm air' hit his leg. She had farted on him. He explained how the toot was not loud or smelly, just a little warmth on his leg. He freaked out, told her he was going to sleep on the couch for several weeks and in the meantime she should go take a shower and put on fresh panties. I laughed a bit, but also thought 'him too?!'.
Paul and I have this discussion on a regular basis. If I 'let one go' as my mother would say, its usually because I'm sleeping or laughing really hard. I generally hold them in. Paul, on the other hand, regularly lets go such epic farts that the dog runs from the room. Loud, couch-shaking sagas of flatulence. When he 'leaves a whopper' (another one of my mom's euphemisms) he seems almost proud of himself. When I let forth a tiny toot, he pantomimes throwing up and indicates that my status as a woman is in jeopardy.
This is only one of the double standards that we live by in this house. I would be curious to know if you and your significant other have similar ones.
8 comments:
Let's look at this from a different perspective, shall we? (And believe me, this isn't "MOM" coming to the aid or defense of her baby, either!) Men have always been taught that sweet young things don't do those awful, purile things that boys and men do. We're above them, on a pedestal, and (wiping the glow of sweat from her brow), we shant forget that we're pore little ole' womenfolk who don't sweat, fart, belch, hurl when we have had one too many, pick the pants out of our asses, put our hand down the front of our pants to rearrange our parts, (or make sure it's "just hanging right"), or blow liquids out of our noses or tear-holes of our eyes when we laugh out loud. Honey chile (with a long "i"), you're in the south now, and you're a delicate flower who relies on her man to do all the hard work for you. And in return, you don't act like a
f$&%#ing idiot like they do! (And to all who read this blog and these comments, this is a JOKE. Don't get all huffy-puffy thinkin' I'm talkin' about anybody in particular here or chastising anybody for the way they act!) Lovingly, (that's no joke!), Mom2
We are equal-opportunity farters on Loafkeeper Farm. I personally prefer expressing myself through burping, though. Burps don't stink, but more than that you can really personalize a burp. Mold it and shape it.
=Cabol=
I beg to differ, Cabol, burps CAN stink.
Otherwise, I agree. While I don't like how much my husband seems to ENJOY farting and scaring the animals, I'm just as guilty sometimes. But I generally give him a hard time about it, because of the way he does it. Anyway.
I tell ya, seriously, I am so far from a delicate flower that I can't even quite fathom the words. Thank God Paul doesn't -normally- expect gentility from me.
Let me also tell you a burping story. When I first moved in with Andra/Lazuli almost a decade ago, I never belched. Even in the privacy of my own home, if I felt one coming on, it was quiet, behind my hand, and I usually said 'excuse me' to myself. Andrea, though, she would just let em fly. I was pretty shocked at first. Women don't burp! After a bit, I just started saying 'pig' each time she belched. In the beginning, the 'pig's were heartfelt, eventually they were said by rote and later on I started thinking 'that does sound like a pretty good release'.
After a few months, I just started doing it too and now I can't stop. I don't feel the need to burp very often, but when I do, oh man, it feels really good. Nobody should have to hold in anything in their own home.
Sorry Bernice :)
*laugh* I can't believe you told everyone how I burped. I still believe in a good burp, but I don't do it in public if that helps preserve my delicate flower image. As for farting, even after 7 years of marriage we don't toot in the presence of one another. Anything in the bathroom goes though. When Drew 'lets one go' he pauses whatever he's doing and says "D'ew toot". It's awfully cute.
JENNIFER: Stop avoiding me and either call me tonight or leave me your phone number! I promise no burping.
Being a single 'delicate flower' I can burp, fart, or whatever, whenever I want. Though I'll burp whenever the need presents itself (aside from social situations that involve being dressed up, that's where the line is - no big burps at weddings from me). Though anyone that has lived with me will know that when I burp, I BURP. I hold back nothing :)
One of the funniest farting incidents I can remember is from a certain male who let one just rip in the shower and came out shortly thereafter saying 'did ya hear that?' *sigh*
I like this disgusting conversation more than I should...I just like knowing what's going on in other people's homes. Hence, my love of some reality tv shows, I suppose.
Oh dear lord, how I wish my husband would leave the room when he has to fart. He just lets them rip, and most of the time it just grosses me out, and then makes me mad. I at least TRY to be discreet about it. But maybe it's just because we've been together for so damn long. Fourteen years this month. Oh damn, now I feel old again.
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