I have lots of updating and commenting on comments that I need/want to do, but first I want to write about this since I am desperately curious to know the answer to a question.
Some background:
I've been utterly fascinated with the topic of 'happiness' lately, and it seems that other people are too. I've seen more than one 'report on happiness' on those hour long information-style shows. Its an interesting topic because its something that every single person wants and so many of us don't have. To me the most interesting aspect is what makes us happy. The 60 Minutes report that I watched discussed Denmark and how it is known to be the happiest country in the world.
"Dorset says that contentment may stem from the fact that Denmark is almost totally homogenous, has no large disparities of wealth, and has had very little national turmoil for more than a half century. "We have very little violence. We have very little murders. So people are, feel very safe," he says. He says people feel secure. "[A] knife stabbing makes the front page every time. Yeah, I don't think that happens in America very often," Dorset says."
Fascinating, no? I think that the large disparities of wealth here in America and Canada are sometimes the most difficult for us. I know they are for me. I know that in many countries around the world people are starving and homeless...but I don't see them or talk to them. I do, however, see the people on the Suze Orman show who ask her if they can afford a villa in the south of France. 'Show me the money,' she replies and they start off with 'well, our combined monthly income is $12000, we have $500000 in an IRA and another $250000 in savings...' Fuck you, seriously. As a (relatively) poor person, looking for work, filled with anxiety and depression - that kind of disparity makes me almost physically sick. And there's rarely a rhyme or reason to it, the hardest working single moms are the ones, often, who can barely afford their rent and the slackers who get their job from Daddy make enough to buy a new car every year and pay for their home outright. Um, bitter much? (And don't bitch at me for my generalizations - depression, let me tell you, gives you the amazing ability to generalize like you would NOT BELIEVE.)
The thing for us is that Paul and I would have enough money if it weren't for his debts - 75% of which is student loans. He thought that becoming an engineer would be a virtually guaranteed well paying job so the student loans would be worth it. Nope. So, next quote:
"(the Danes) have no student loans hanging over their heads. All education is free in Denmark, right on through university. And students can take as long as they like to complete their studies. "And we get paid to go to school actually. Instead of in the U.S. you pay to go to school, we get paid to go to school if we pass our exams," a student explains.
"Americans watching this particularly people your age would be bowled over by the very idea that the government pays you to go to school," Safer remarks. "Yeah," the student acknowledges. "I'm being paid right now for not going to school. I'm being paid for parenting," another male student tells Safer. "It's 100 percent paid for by the government for half a year."
Denmark also provides free health care, subsidized child care and elder care, a social safety net spread the length and breadth of the country. "I mean, we're pretty much free to do whatever we want. We're secure from the day we're born. For a Dane who lives in Denmark," a male tells Safer. "
There's the key, I think, the key to what would make me happy and content and most of you too "We're secure from the day we're born." Denmark has got it absolutely right. Absolutely.
The price the Danes pay is an approximately %50 rate of taxation. Steep, but if you got free school, free health care, paid maternity/paternity leave etc., wouldn't you be willing to pay %50? I sure as hell would. We would be better off by a huge margin right now if we made 50% less (really more like %25 when you take into account the taxes we already pay and our skyrocketing health insurance premiums) but had no health care costs and student loan debts.
Oh, and the Danes also work, on average, 37 hours a week and get, on average, 6 weeks of vacation. So, do you all want to live there now?
Basically, what this article indicates is that Danes feel 'tucked in' by their government. They feel that it is uncorrupt and that it genuinely has their best interest at heart. As well, they feel that their world is stable and predictable. I cried a lot after I watched the show because it was like someone had put into words exactly what I feel that I lack in life. Our life is absolutely unstable and unpredictable. Right now rent has not been paid and is four days late, how we will pay it is as yet unknown. We will work it out, in the end, we always do. But in the meantime - unstable, unpredictable, unfair. You name it.
I'm getting closer to the question, I swear.
A few weeks ago I called my mom, and my dad answered. He is a great dad but we don't have too much to say to each other so its usually just 'how are you' and then talk to mom. Every time I ask my dad how he is he says "Great!" With genuine enthusiasm. I asked him in this call if he was really and truly 'great' "Are you really that happy and perky every day, Dad? Are you really 'great'. He thought for a split second and then answered that he sure was. "Life is good," he said. (I asked him further if he had always felt that way and he said that it got more so as he got older, which I'm clinging to as a lifeline of hope for myself as I age.)
I thought about all of this a lot; Denmark and my Dad and the other things I had heard about happiness and then I got to talk to a checker at Walmart yesterday. I was having a truly hideous day already and then grocery shopping while trying to decide what's crucial and what has to be cut out due to lack of funds, plus reading labels and trying to find food that's low sugar, low carb, low sodium, low fat etc. You can imagine my mood. The cashier asked me how I was and you know how some days you just can't do the generic 'Fine, and you?' It was one of those days. I said 'I'm actually really shitty, how are you'. 'Life is great!' he said. I pursued that and asked him if it really was and he said 'any day I'm on God's green earth is a good day,' and I think he really meant it! This guy was middle aged, gray hair, quite overweight, thick glasses, no wedding ring, not the guy we normally assume is going to be happy. But he was!
So, I couldn't stop thinking about this. I know that I'm depressed so I'm a poor judge, but I want to know 'how happy or content are you?' On a scale of 1 to 10 on an average day. I really, truly want to know because I think it will be A) interesting and B) give me an idea of where I should be. Cause I ain't there now.
Are you happy?
9 comments:
Oy.
Well, where to start? :) I am content with my family/home life. It makes me happy and secure and I feel like I am blessed to have the husband/family that I've got. I have no fears about that. That, in all honesty, should mean the most to me---but all the other stuff creeps in, as we all know. Money, work, health--it never stops or goes away.
How much money do I need to feel "happy" or safe? I think it's a slippery slope, there. I think that most people think "just a little bit more" but where does it stop? How much is enough?
Emotionally, with the exception of these weird outbursts that I seem to be having lately, I think that I would call myself content. Work still sucks, and being broke sucks. But I have Boy, and I have my Lord, and I have to keep having faith (daily, hourly, second by second!!!) that it's going to be all right. It's a daily battle in my head.
And right now, I'd like to kill my asshat neighbors and their M80's at 11:30 at night. Just sayin'.
I'm happy at the moment. But things change, and that's when unhappiness seems to settle in. You can think, "I'll be happy when I get to America." "I'll be happy when Paul and I get married." "I'll be happy when we're both working." On and on and on. But then, there's another goal looming on the horizon: getting out of debt; getting more healthy; getting-getting-getting. See, there's always another bend in the road and there's always going to be. Your dad might be great, but I bet there's still worries in his mind about how you and your sisters are doing; how the grandkids are doing; how his health and your mom's health are, etc. etc. So there's never an end and an unequivocable happiness. Unfortunate and hope that doesn't seem more down! It's life. Mom2
Take your Zoloft.
on a scale of one to ten, I'm way down in the minus numbers.
i think contentment in life works apart from circumstance because i think its how you view yourself in the universe- you can be miserable and rich. it's how much you're willing to let go of your anxiety and fear over things you can't control- though it sounds wonderful to be a dane.
You forgot to point out that if we were more like Denmark, you would have had an even harder time getting into this country, since they have some of the strictest immigration laws of any country. It's easy to be happy and feel secure when you don't let anyone different in.
I also wonder, is the single Dane who didn't go to college really that happy about all his tax money going to pay for slackers to stretch out their college time, or all these people taking child leave? Or do they just not complain in English?
Anyways, in response to your question, I think using other people's happiness to base your own on is a recipe for disaster. Because, guess what, there will always be people who are happier or sadder than you are. Then what? You can feel more depressed because you aren't as happy as the first group, or more happy because at least you aren't as bad off as the second group?
I think since my childhood I just accepted a general unhappiness, but if I stop and think for a moment, I think, "No, I'm okay!" with moments of outright, crippling depression, usually connected to something financial (i.e. debt) falling on us like a ton of bricks.
And since the last year and a half has been so fucking sucky for Beau and I, when something good happens, we just TOTALLY revel in it. We got back from Glacier National Park 4 days ago, and we still keep saying, "That was really great. Wasn't that great? That was fun. Didn't you love that?"
I do feel as I get older though, that a lot of bullshit I obsessed about seems frivolous now. A gift of old age indeed.
P.S. It seems that it's good to be Scandinavian. I know that a few years back there was another one of these huge happiness surveys, and Iceland came out as #1. They asked "Are you happy?" And a huge percentage of Icelanders said "Yes!" And when they said, "Who do you believe in?" the vast majority said, "Myself!" (whereas in America, people would say "God").
I know that Norway PAYS every single citizen PER child, no matter what your income, and Sweden pays for MOST of school, though there are some loans, that only have to be paid back at 3% of your income. Now how fucking cool is that? No matter HOW poor or rich you are, 3% is always reasonable! Here in the U.S., they take 15%!!!
But also keep in mind that these are wealthy countries (particularly Norway with its oil) with very small populations, so social welfare is abundant. I'm not entirely certain a 50% income tax would gift all those things to Americans with our 280 million population.
My name is Stephen Long and i would like to show you my personal experience with Zoloft.
I am 40 years old. Have been on Zoloft for 2 years now. Zoloft certainly got rid of my depression and anxiety. It also helped me with sleeping and I did not gain any weight like others have. However I was younger when I tried this so perhaps my metabolism worked differently then. It was impossible to reach orgasm on this drug so I would sometimes delay taking my drug to give my body a mini wash out period and this helped. However, if I waited too long to take the tablet, I endured severe headaches and had to lie down. Fortunately, this was reversible as soon as I took the drug again. I eventually tapered off this drug thanks to my doctor's plan which worked perfectly. The main reason I gave up Zoloft is because at the time there were reports saying that long term use of it was dangerous.
I have experienced some of these side effects -
Sweatiness, loss of libido, EXTREME headaches if forget to take drug.
I hope this information will be useful to others,
Stephen Long
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